It's been a long time since I took the time to sit down and write. I think maybe I've been boycotting myself--I have such a strong tendency to spill the truth, and maybe I just haven't wanted to face it.
However, almost a year since my last post, I've begun to feel like I've been cheating myself out of an opportunity to simply share. And so here I am again, daring to express my latest thoughts in print.
I question everything; in the process of making myself insane with questions, I keep myself sane. It's an oxymoron, I know, but in order to be confident in a nugget of truth, I am compelled to challenge it until I'm sure that nugget is worthy of helping to build a foundation that will contribute to my ever fluctuating worldview.
Yesterday, God gave me a gift. A nugget of truth.
Regardless of what name I might use for God, or how I manage to connect to him, God fundamentally is Love. In fact, the two are interchangeable--I suspect that one cannot be without the other.
No matter how common this little nugget of truth may be, it is still strong and beautiful.
There was a time in my life when I thought I was incapable of comprehending love. I truly feared that my heart was handicapped. But God gave me the profound gift of mentors and kindred spirits, during my university years, who taught me what love is. And slowly, as the love from those people began to penetrate into my heart, I learned that love is warm, healing, uplifting, and well-wishing. I learned that there is no better thing in the world than feeling completely loved and having the freedom to return that love.
For various reasons, time and location has eroded the confidence I once had in the expressions of love. As this confidence turned into disappointment and then faded into my subconscious, I began to forget what it was like to engage oneself with the acts of love.
This past weekend, I was reminded that love is a colorful character. I saw love in the delightful squeals of my dear friend's toddler on her 2nd birthday, in hugs and assurances of love from my second family on one of their rare visits from overseas, in warm care expressed in the eyes of my oldest friend, in the surprise visit from my soul-mate who felt that a heart-to-heart was long overdue, in the generous hugs from all my brothers, in the kiss of a lover--in all its forms, love washed over me.
I cannot articulate it appropriately, but the glow of love is a safe haven, and it is this utter contentment that makes me believe in God. Such goodness couldn't possibly be invented or imagined by a human. Nothing as flawed as we are could've made something so flawlessly and simultaneously powerful and intimate.
On the eve of Valentine's Day, I want to remember that no little box of chocolates or bouquet of roses could come remotely close to representing the love I've been blessed to experience. Nothing could compare to the following words that the Lover of My Soul speaks to me:
"Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters,I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you... Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you. Do not be afraid for I am with you". (Isaiah 43:1-5 NLT)
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear". (1 John 4:18 NKJV)
Love is a precious gift, a golden nugget that must be treasured.
Thank-you God for loving me and giving me the gift of people who happily love me and let me return that love.
