I woke up angry this morning. Very angry. In fact, I'd spent the majority of the night dreaming about various situations in which I lost my temper and spouted obscenities. Honestly, I hadn't realized that I was quite so angry. But I guess that's just what happens when you don't allow yourself to process and truly give your feelings validity during your waking hours--you end up confronting your feelings in your dreams.
Upon waking, I had subconsciously worked myself into such a low place that I didn't want to go to church as planned. I moped around my room and inside my head. I felt discouraged even though I knew that God is in control and that what I'm going through now is just a stepping stone in the process of my destiny. Yet I was in no mood to psych myself out. Sometimes it takes a severely incredible amount of energy to pull yourself out of negativity.
Half of the early morning service had already passed by when I finally forced myself out of the house. I knew that the last thing I wanted to do was to spend the rest of my day in such a foul spirit, and past experience in my current home church told me that some time focused on praising God with my church family would most likely bring solace to my soul and probably some vitality as well.
See, thoughts can have such a strong power over attitude and behavior. Ever noticed how someone else's sadness or rage entangled you in such a way that you began to mirror similar feelings? I don't know how it is with everyone else, but my spirit is fairly sensitive to strong emotions, and if I don't guard it, I am liable to become prey to those emotions. Being aware of this, I chose to place myself in an environment where the sorts of emotions that I would fall "prey" to would be uplifting.
And so, making it to church blessed me. I didn't leave the same person I was when I had entered. I believe that the change had a lot to do with the collective spirit of those that were at the service. Being among people whose hearts seek God's heart and who display a love and hospitality in their smiles, hugs, and kind words made it impossible to stay angry for very long. Halfway into my pastor's message, I found myself genuinely laughing with delight and tearfully praising God. It wasn't that my problems had been solved, or that I could suddenly see some new path to follow, but just as negativity is catching, so is joy.
This is part of the beauty in sharing a faith walk with others. It is also one of the reasons God made us to be social beings--to encourage one another. And the ability to connect with each others' emotions and make such drastic changes is a power that shouldn't be ignored or abused.
In 2 Cor. 10:3-5, Paul writes, "For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ" (ESV). I believe that an aspect of spiritual warfare involves thoughts and emotions, for if they aren't kept in proper check and used for building others up, they become destructive forces to be reckoned with.
It's not easy to keep tabs on emotions. Most people learn to place feelings on hold in order to function with the daily demands of life. In some cases, this is good because it allows non-related issues to be kept separate, but in other cases, it just turns people into emotional time bombs. So learning to make every thought captive to Christ is something that has to be consciously done.
Growing up, my mother often recited Paul's advice in a letter to the believers in Philippi: "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things" (Phillipians 4:8 KJV). As a child, I saw this advice as a sort of rebuke--another thing in the long list of things telling me what not to do or that I wasn't measuring up to some sort of standard again. However, now I understand that we become like the things we think about, and what we think about is affected by the things we do and the people we are around.
This concept is prominent in Chinese philosophy. Chinese culture and medicine believes that one's Chi (Qi), or energy flow, affects all life at molecular, atomic, and subatomic levels (Web 1). Because of this, those who espouse this philosophy seek to maintain the appropriate balance in their emotions, thoughts, and health. This philosophy has maintained a strong foothold in Asia.
Dr. Masaru Emoto, a Japanese author and entrepreneur, did a series of experiments with water. His experiments show that meditation on specific thoughts/feelings affects the shapes of water crystals. When I first was exposed to the results of Emoto's experiements a few years ago, I was spell-bound.
If it's true that thoughts and emotions affects water, then just imagine how much we affect each other! Based on age, body size, and health, humans' bodies are made up of 55-78% water (Web 2). This adds a whole new meaning to the idea that you had better be careful of who you sit next to!
Let's take these concepts a bit further. In John 14:12, Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father" (NLT). How is it possible for people to do greater works than Jesus did? Well, take into consideration the fact that everything Jesus did, he did with human limitations and full reliance on God. He was an example for all humanity to follow. But consider this as well, what Jesus did, he did more or less individually because he was teaching and showing people how to act out their faith. So, imagine the power that active communities of believers could have! If even just five people in one church fully relied on God as Jesus did, than God's glorious works would be multiplied five times! Just take a moment to consider this on a grander scale--what if entire churches, neighborhoods, governments, states, countries relied fully on God?
So how does all this connect to the water?
If our thoughts change the properties of water, and a large percentage of the human body is made up of water, then is it so far fetched to believe that faith can be catching? That just by trusting in God and being near others, one person's positive water energy could start changing the water energy of somebody else? Is it possible that by "greater works", Jesus meant further reaching? That maybe those who house the Spirit of God in their souls would pass on the Spirit just by being near to other people, and as the numbers grew, so would the spiritual power and magnitude of those in a faith walk? Knowing this, how much more crucial is it that those of faith interact with non-believers! But check this out! Interaction doesn't necessarily involve preaching or evangelistic meetings--it could be nothing more than just being still in a crowd and projecting thoughts that are captive to Christ out into your atmosphere. It could be nothing more than simply sitting next to someone who is grieving and keeping your thoughts focused on those things that are lovely and pure. You don't even have to speak!
I cannot even fathom all the ways in which the world could change if bodies of believers made a conscious point of taking time to think and feel Christ into the atmospheres around them, but I'm sure it would bring a peace unlike anything we've seen yet.
So I challenge you to consider the things that you are speaking into your atmosphere. Changing the world might not be nearly as impossible as you think!
Web 1: http://taoism.about.com/od/qi/a/Qi.htm
Web 2: http://www.madsci.org/posts/archives/2000-05/958588306.An.r.html
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Manna and Toothaches
I have always been fascinated by the old testament stories that tell about how God gave the Israelites manna. To me, manna is mysterious, and as such, it arouses my curiosity. I've often wondered what it was like, how it was cooked, how many ways it could be eaten, what sorts of flavors complimented it, etc. But even more mysterious than its physical or sensual particulars is the fact that such a beautiful provision from God could become something that the people saw as a plague.
The story of the great exodus out of Egypt is full of miracles and people with great faith as well as those who lacked it. In many ways, the story of the Israelites' freedom from bondage in Egypt parallels our own stories.
At some point, everyone realizes that they live in a state of bondage to something--it could be financial difficulties, physical limitations, loneliness, abusive family members, sex, money, whatever gives a high... Some people never manage to break free from these things, but many who give them over to God discover that He is not only capable, but eager to provide an escape and a new home.
In order to take the Israelites to Canaan, the promised land, God had to lead them to the desert. It was there that God hoped they would learn to rely on Him for their most basic needs including food and water. But the ever-human Israelites panicked when food provisions became low and they vented their fears about having enough to eat to Moses. The part of this that seems so ridiculous is the fact that God had delivered them from countless crisis and they still freaked out and went to Moses for help. Never-mind that God had sent plagues on the Egyptians to help induce them to release the Israelites, or that God had made a way through the Red Sea and killed off some of Pharaoh's army in the process, or that God's presence was made visible to the Israelites in the form of a pillar that looked like a cloud during the day but glowed like fire at night. After all God had done, how could they be so immature? How could they forget how God's mighty hand had stretched out to them in favor?
Moses, who often found himself to be the mediator between the people and God, talked to God about the problem, and God decided to "rain down bread from heaven" (Exodus 16:4 NIV). The miraculous food appeared with the dew on the ground every morning except for the Sabbath. God gave the people exactly as much as they needed.
Over time, this miracle became stale to the people, and they craved meat. They started complaining and saying that it would've been better that they had stayed slaves in Egypt because at least they had been able to eat meat there. Such talk spread, and before long, Moses was dealing with a nation of disgruntled people again. Of course, God felt insulted too...how could these people have such short and selective memories? How was it possible for them to think that it would be BETTER to be slaves again just to have more food variety? Seriously???
But God, knowing that often people learn best when they get a taste of their own medicine told the Israelites this: "The LORD heard you when you wailed, “If only we had meat to eat! We were better off in Egypt!” Now the LORD will give you meat, and you will eat it. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, ten or twenty days, but for a whole month—until it comes out of your nostrils and you loathe it—because you have rejected the LORD, who is among you, and have wailed before him, saying, “Why did we ever leave Egypt?”" (Numbers 11:18-20 NIV).
God sent the Israelites droves of quail. The Israelites went crazy. They slaughtered the birds in excess and gorged themselves on the meat. God rewarded their gluttony with a sickness that was caused by over-consumption of the meat--some people died.
It wouldn't surprise anyone if God had given up on the Israelites altogether. But God is gracious, and when they repented, God returned to them the blessing of manna.
It's so easy to look at stories like these and cluck our disapproval at such silly and faithless behavior. But, in reality, we are no better. I have been so convicted of this lately because God has done miracles in my life over the past three weeks, but I've ignored them or complained about them because the results weren't what I'd wanted or because I was too focused on my troubles to properly thank God for what He had taken care of.
A couple of weeks ago, my two remaining wisdom teeth began to bother me. My gums the back of my mouth got so swollen that my teeth were digging into them uncomfortably. I was so worried that I would have to get my teeth pulled, and I didn't know where in the world I would get the money for such a procedure. I tried to maintain a proper focus, and reminded myself that God is in control, and He knows what I need. So I prayed specifically for healing. And then promptly began searching for clinics that pull teeth for people who are homeless or have low incomes. I found one and went in really early in the morning with the hopes that I'd be able to get my teeth pulled and still make it to class. Well, I waited at the clinic for 3 hours before finding out that walk-in patients could spend a good half of the day there before ever getting to see a dentist, and since I couldn't miss classes, I had to cancel with the clinic and rush to school. The whole way there, I told God about my distress and prayed for healing.
In-between classes at Chatt State, I dropped by the financial aid office to see when I would be getting my next check from the loan I had taken out, only to learn that the Government had revoked the loan, and for the next week, I spent the majority of my efforts trying to find a way to stay in school, begging God for a financial miracle that would allow me to finish out the semester and cover the costs of rent. I was in and out of the financial aid office daily for about three days, before I realized that there was nothing that could be done. I even tried to get a back up loan through a bank, but couldn't because my monthly income is too low. I was frustrated and angry, and in the midst of this, the fact that my wisdom teeth no longer bothered me and that my gums were no longer swollen or painful, took a big back seat to my new crisis.
Later on, I felt guilty for not praising God in the midst of the storm, especially when I had such a powerful reason to do so!
No miracle happened when it came down to loans, and I was forced to drop out of school. However, God did grant me some different kinds of miracles--ones that I didn't quite appreciate in the beginning. God made a way for me to be able to cover January's rent, He made it so that my managers at both jobs were willing to give me extra hours at work, and therefore, has made it possible for me to continue to cover the cost of rent and be able to make loan payments.
But because I wasn't in school, because God didn't answer my demands exactly as I had wanted, I didn't see these miracles--not until God smacked me upside the head with a few observations from my pastor that caused me to see everything in a different light.
I am so blessed to have a God who knows the beginning from the end and who provides a way even when I forget to thank Him. God gave me manna, and I wanted meat. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm no better than my ancestors. But I'm encouraged to know that God still chose those whiny, ungrateful people to give birth to Jesus who made a way for unworthy people like me.
And Heck Yeah! My teeth/gums are healed, I am able to work enough to pay for my financial requirements, and I even have enough time left over to sleep, work-out, and get involved in some community service projects! I'm so grateful that God is obligated to stick to His promises. He said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5 NIV). As I continue to seek growth in my faith, I cling to this promise with gratitude.
The story of the great exodus out of Egypt is full of miracles and people with great faith as well as those who lacked it. In many ways, the story of the Israelites' freedom from bondage in Egypt parallels our own stories.
At some point, everyone realizes that they live in a state of bondage to something--it could be financial difficulties, physical limitations, loneliness, abusive family members, sex, money, whatever gives a high... Some people never manage to break free from these things, but many who give them over to God discover that He is not only capable, but eager to provide an escape and a new home.
In order to take the Israelites to Canaan, the promised land, God had to lead them to the desert. It was there that God hoped they would learn to rely on Him for their most basic needs including food and water. But the ever-human Israelites panicked when food provisions became low and they vented their fears about having enough to eat to Moses. The part of this that seems so ridiculous is the fact that God had delivered them from countless crisis and they still freaked out and went to Moses for help. Never-mind that God had sent plagues on the Egyptians to help induce them to release the Israelites, or that God had made a way through the Red Sea and killed off some of Pharaoh's army in the process, or that God's presence was made visible to the Israelites in the form of a pillar that looked like a cloud during the day but glowed like fire at night. After all God had done, how could they be so immature? How could they forget how God's mighty hand had stretched out to them in favor?
Moses, who often found himself to be the mediator between the people and God, talked to God about the problem, and God decided to "rain down bread from heaven" (Exodus 16:4 NIV). The miraculous food appeared with the dew on the ground every morning except for the Sabbath. God gave the people exactly as much as they needed.
Over time, this miracle became stale to the people, and they craved meat. They started complaining and saying that it would've been better that they had stayed slaves in Egypt because at least they had been able to eat meat there. Such talk spread, and before long, Moses was dealing with a nation of disgruntled people again. Of course, God felt insulted too...how could these people have such short and selective memories? How was it possible for them to think that it would be BETTER to be slaves again just to have more food variety? Seriously???
But God, knowing that often people learn best when they get a taste of their own medicine told the Israelites this: "The LORD heard you when you wailed, “If only we had meat to eat! We were better off in Egypt!” Now the LORD will give you meat, and you will eat it. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, ten or twenty days, but for a whole month—until it comes out of your nostrils and you loathe it—because you have rejected the LORD, who is among you, and have wailed before him, saying, “Why did we ever leave Egypt?”" (Numbers 11:18-20 NIV).
God sent the Israelites droves of quail. The Israelites went crazy. They slaughtered the birds in excess and gorged themselves on the meat. God rewarded their gluttony with a sickness that was caused by over-consumption of the meat--some people died.
It wouldn't surprise anyone if God had given up on the Israelites altogether. But God is gracious, and when they repented, God returned to them the blessing of manna.
It's so easy to look at stories like these and cluck our disapproval at such silly and faithless behavior. But, in reality, we are no better. I have been so convicted of this lately because God has done miracles in my life over the past three weeks, but I've ignored them or complained about them because the results weren't what I'd wanted or because I was too focused on my troubles to properly thank God for what He had taken care of.
A couple of weeks ago, my two remaining wisdom teeth began to bother me. My gums the back of my mouth got so swollen that my teeth were digging into them uncomfortably. I was so worried that I would have to get my teeth pulled, and I didn't know where in the world I would get the money for such a procedure. I tried to maintain a proper focus, and reminded myself that God is in control, and He knows what I need. So I prayed specifically for healing. And then promptly began searching for clinics that pull teeth for people who are homeless or have low incomes. I found one and went in really early in the morning with the hopes that I'd be able to get my teeth pulled and still make it to class. Well, I waited at the clinic for 3 hours before finding out that walk-in patients could spend a good half of the day there before ever getting to see a dentist, and since I couldn't miss classes, I had to cancel with the clinic and rush to school. The whole way there, I told God about my distress and prayed for healing.
In-between classes at Chatt State, I dropped by the financial aid office to see when I would be getting my next check from the loan I had taken out, only to learn that the Government had revoked the loan, and for the next week, I spent the majority of my efforts trying to find a way to stay in school, begging God for a financial miracle that would allow me to finish out the semester and cover the costs of rent. I was in and out of the financial aid office daily for about three days, before I realized that there was nothing that could be done. I even tried to get a back up loan through a bank, but couldn't because my monthly income is too low. I was frustrated and angry, and in the midst of this, the fact that my wisdom teeth no longer bothered me and that my gums were no longer swollen or painful, took a big back seat to my new crisis.
Later on, I felt guilty for not praising God in the midst of the storm, especially when I had such a powerful reason to do so!
No miracle happened when it came down to loans, and I was forced to drop out of school. However, God did grant me some different kinds of miracles--ones that I didn't quite appreciate in the beginning. God made a way for me to be able to cover January's rent, He made it so that my managers at both jobs were willing to give me extra hours at work, and therefore, has made it possible for me to continue to cover the cost of rent and be able to make loan payments.
But because I wasn't in school, because God didn't answer my demands exactly as I had wanted, I didn't see these miracles--not until God smacked me upside the head with a few observations from my pastor that caused me to see everything in a different light.
I am so blessed to have a God who knows the beginning from the end and who provides a way even when I forget to thank Him. God gave me manna, and I wanted meat. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm no better than my ancestors. But I'm encouraged to know that God still chose those whiny, ungrateful people to give birth to Jesus who made a way for unworthy people like me.
And Heck Yeah! My teeth/gums are healed, I am able to work enough to pay for my financial requirements, and I even have enough time left over to sleep, work-out, and get involved in some community service projects! I'm so grateful that God is obligated to stick to His promises. He said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5 NIV). As I continue to seek growth in my faith, I cling to this promise with gratitude.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Growing Pains
This week has been a giant trial. I would've loved to have blogged over the past seven days, but events did not allow me the opportunity.
On Tuesday, I learned that the Government has revoked my loan for school, leaving me with no choice but to drop out of school and start working minimum wage jobs full-time so that I can pay rent and make loan payments. It's way more complicated than it sounds and extremely disappointing. My future has becoming even murkier than it was before. The most frustrating thing about this situation is that my life was just beginning to feel like it was coming together. I was psyched to be blessed with a good church family, good health, successful grades in my A&P II and Physics classes...in fact, it seemed like I was well on my way to pursuing a career in exercise science. And then, just when I began to relax, my feet were pulled out from under me. In some ways I feel like my world has fallen to pieces all around me.
Is this an act of God?
Probably. Sometimes the things God allows for our greater good just simply suck.
The Bible tells the story of Job, a man of great integrity who was well-loved and greatly blessed by God. In fact, God was so proud of Job that He even bragged about Job's faithfulness when Satan stopped in to pick on God (Job 1:8). Satan dared God to challenge Job's faith by taking away his blessings. Satan was pretty confident that Job's faith wouldn't survive the loss of wealth, family, and health. God has no need of conditional faith and is not afraid of human weakness, so He gave Satan permission to test Job's character (Job 1:12).
Job's reaction to the loss of his wealth and children is somewhat shocking, but it also shows the depth of his faith-walk. In the midst of his grief, Job shaved his head and knelt down to worship God, saying:
“I came naked from my mother’s womb,
and I will be naked when I leave.
The Lord gave me what I had,
and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!” (Job 1:21 NLT).
In his heart wrenching sorrow, Job praises God! He worships! He doesn't even blame God. He simply acknowledges that God is great, as if to make the point that when it really comes down to it, that's all that matters.
As calamity is piled upon calamity, Job's spirit becomes heavier. Finally he is brought to the point where his illness has him sitting in the town dump scraping the puss from boils. He is deserted by his wife, and his friends accuse him of sinning against God. In fact, Job's friends feel that his continual insistence of innocence is just denial of some awful crime against God. Finally, Job breaks down and questions God, he even challenges God's justice and begs God to prove to his friends that he is not lying.
God's response to Job never ceases to leave me with goosebumps:
"Then the Lord answered Job from the whirlwind:
“Who is this that questions my wisdom
with such ignorant words?
Brace yourself like a man,
because I have some questions for you,
and you must answer them.
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?" (Job 38:1-4 NLT).
The power and mind-blowing enormity and beauty of the questions that followed left Job speechless. Job responded to God's greatness with humility:
“I know that you can do anything,
and no one can stop you.
You asked, ‘Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?’
It is I—and I was talking about things I knew nothing about,
things far too wonderful for me.
You said, ‘Listen and I will speak!
I have some questions for you,
and you must answer them.’
I had only heard about you before,
but now I have seen you with my own eyes.
I take back everything I said,
and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance” (Job 42:26 NLT).
In the end, God blesses Job with more children, wealth, and greater health than he had before his great trial. And God won the bet with Satan--Job's faith and loyalty were remarkable.
Job is hardly the only character in the Bible who lost everything in a faith walk. Look at Abraham? He lost his hometown, left behind his extended family, friends, culture, family inheritance, and did the insane--he followed the voice of God into the unknown. But he was rewarded with miracles and a nation that is blessed because of the faith he clung to.
And then there is Joseph, Abraham's great-grandson. A child born into wealth and favor. He was despised by his brothers who were jealous of his father's love. His own brothers threw him in a pit and then sold him into slavery. Joseph wound up in Egypt working for a high-ranking government official, Potipher. Joseph proved himself reliable and efficient as a servant and received Potipher's utmost trust and respect. But just when Joseph's life seemed to settle into a good place, he is framed by Potipher's wife for rape. Joseph is thrown into prison. But Joseph even managed to prosper in jail, and he also wound up becoming a trusted and efficient caretaker of the prison. While there, Joseph thought he might have found his way out when he correctly interpreted a dream for the Pharaoh's cup bearer. But the cup bearer forgot his promise to plead Joseph's case to the Pharaoh until two years later when the Pharoah had a dream of his own.
Joseph could have done many things. He could have despaired, turned his back on God, thrown aside his moral character, sought vengeance, or become hard-hearted. Instead, Joseph kept his faith and God rewarded him by making him the second man in charge of all of Egypt--he had the Pharaoh's unwavering trust and loyalty.
As a result, Joseph managed to save Egypt from starvation during a seven-year famine, and God even reunited him with his family when they came to Egypt for grain for their starving families in Canaan.
When Joseph looked back on the series of calamities that he endured, he could see his trials through the results of his blessings and he said this to his brothers: "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today" (Genesis 50:20 ESV).
Sometimes in this imperfect world, God's plans require a time of pain, a time where faith is tested, and character is refined. This is the reason we respect the people the Bible tells us about--we identify with their struggles, but we are also encouraged by their determination to cling to God even when they didn't understand.
As I ponder the lives of the faithful, I go back to God's response to Job and find myself feeling small--not in a condemning or belittling way, but in a sense of awe of the kind of God who sees the whole picture and knows why struggles are necessary.
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?" (Job 38:1-4 NLT).
"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters. Then God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light (Genesis 1:1-3)"
"In the beginning the Word already existed.
The Word was with God,
and the Word was God.
He existed in the beginning with God.
God created everything through him,
and nothing was created except through him.
The Word gave life to everything that was created,
and his life brought light to everyone.
The light shines in the darkness,
and the darkness can never extinguish it" (John 1:1-5).
Maybe one of the greatest things that questioning God can do is remind us of why we aren't the ones with all the answers.
I may feel like my life is lying in fragments at my feet, but I've never felt stronger and more sure of anything before. Don't get me wrong, I have no idea what will happen next or what I'm going to do, but I have no doubt that God, the Creator, the Breath-giver is all over this. I've never found myself in a situation where all the possible paths I could take were so closed, where options were shut down with such finality. I could choose to be angry and wallow in disappointment and despair. But, instead, I choose to believe that just like Abraham and Joseph, God is leading me to something greater, to a land full of blessing and promise. I am a daughter of Abraham after-all, and I am still breathing. I look forward to being able to look back on my struggles with elation, to being able to pin-point the hand of God at every turn, and to claiming my growing pains as a birth to a greater and strong faith.
So for now, I choose to praise God like Paul and Silas because I know that what Satan means for evil in my life, God means for good.
On Tuesday, I learned that the Government has revoked my loan for school, leaving me with no choice but to drop out of school and start working minimum wage jobs full-time so that I can pay rent and make loan payments. It's way more complicated than it sounds and extremely disappointing. My future has becoming even murkier than it was before. The most frustrating thing about this situation is that my life was just beginning to feel like it was coming together. I was psyched to be blessed with a good church family, good health, successful grades in my A&P II and Physics classes...in fact, it seemed like I was well on my way to pursuing a career in exercise science. And then, just when I began to relax, my feet were pulled out from under me. In some ways I feel like my world has fallen to pieces all around me.
Is this an act of God?
Probably. Sometimes the things God allows for our greater good just simply suck.
The Bible tells the story of Job, a man of great integrity who was well-loved and greatly blessed by God. In fact, God was so proud of Job that He even bragged about Job's faithfulness when Satan stopped in to pick on God (Job 1:8). Satan dared God to challenge Job's faith by taking away his blessings. Satan was pretty confident that Job's faith wouldn't survive the loss of wealth, family, and health. God has no need of conditional faith and is not afraid of human weakness, so He gave Satan permission to test Job's character (Job 1:12).
Job's reaction to the loss of his wealth and children is somewhat shocking, but it also shows the depth of his faith-walk. In the midst of his grief, Job shaved his head and knelt down to worship God, saying:
“I came naked from my mother’s womb,
and I will be naked when I leave.
The Lord gave me what I had,
and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!” (Job 1:21 NLT).
In his heart wrenching sorrow, Job praises God! He worships! He doesn't even blame God. He simply acknowledges that God is great, as if to make the point that when it really comes down to it, that's all that matters.
As calamity is piled upon calamity, Job's spirit becomes heavier. Finally he is brought to the point where his illness has him sitting in the town dump scraping the puss from boils. He is deserted by his wife, and his friends accuse him of sinning against God. In fact, Job's friends feel that his continual insistence of innocence is just denial of some awful crime against God. Finally, Job breaks down and questions God, he even challenges God's justice and begs God to prove to his friends that he is not lying.
God's response to Job never ceases to leave me with goosebumps:
"Then the Lord answered Job from the whirlwind:
“Who is this that questions my wisdom
with such ignorant words?
Brace yourself like a man,
because I have some questions for you,
and you must answer them.
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?" (Job 38:1-4 NLT).
The power and mind-blowing enormity and beauty of the questions that followed left Job speechless. Job responded to God's greatness with humility:
“I know that you can do anything,
and no one can stop you.
You asked, ‘Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?’
It is I—and I was talking about things I knew nothing about,
things far too wonderful for me.
You said, ‘Listen and I will speak!
I have some questions for you,
and you must answer them.’
I had only heard about you before,
but now I have seen you with my own eyes.
I take back everything I said,
and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance” (Job 42:26 NLT).
In the end, God blesses Job with more children, wealth, and greater health than he had before his great trial. And God won the bet with Satan--Job's faith and loyalty were remarkable.
Job is hardly the only character in the Bible who lost everything in a faith walk. Look at Abraham? He lost his hometown, left behind his extended family, friends, culture, family inheritance, and did the insane--he followed the voice of God into the unknown. But he was rewarded with miracles and a nation that is blessed because of the faith he clung to.
And then there is Joseph, Abraham's great-grandson. A child born into wealth and favor. He was despised by his brothers who were jealous of his father's love. His own brothers threw him in a pit and then sold him into slavery. Joseph wound up in Egypt working for a high-ranking government official, Potipher. Joseph proved himself reliable and efficient as a servant and received Potipher's utmost trust and respect. But just when Joseph's life seemed to settle into a good place, he is framed by Potipher's wife for rape. Joseph is thrown into prison. But Joseph even managed to prosper in jail, and he also wound up becoming a trusted and efficient caretaker of the prison. While there, Joseph thought he might have found his way out when he correctly interpreted a dream for the Pharaoh's cup bearer. But the cup bearer forgot his promise to plead Joseph's case to the Pharaoh until two years later when the Pharoah had a dream of his own.
Joseph could have done many things. He could have despaired, turned his back on God, thrown aside his moral character, sought vengeance, or become hard-hearted. Instead, Joseph kept his faith and God rewarded him by making him the second man in charge of all of Egypt--he had the Pharaoh's unwavering trust and loyalty.
As a result, Joseph managed to save Egypt from starvation during a seven-year famine, and God even reunited him with his family when they came to Egypt for grain for their starving families in Canaan.
When Joseph looked back on the series of calamities that he endured, he could see his trials through the results of his blessings and he said this to his brothers: "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today" (Genesis 50:20 ESV).
Sometimes in this imperfect world, God's plans require a time of pain, a time where faith is tested, and character is refined. This is the reason we respect the people the Bible tells us about--we identify with their struggles, but we are also encouraged by their determination to cling to God even when they didn't understand.
As I ponder the lives of the faithful, I go back to God's response to Job and find myself feeling small--not in a condemning or belittling way, but in a sense of awe of the kind of God who sees the whole picture and knows why struggles are necessary.
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?" (Job 38:1-4 NLT).
"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters. Then God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light (Genesis 1:1-3)"
"In the beginning the Word already existed.
The Word was with God,
and the Word was God.
He existed in the beginning with God.
God created everything through him,
and nothing was created except through him.
The Word gave life to everything that was created,
and his life brought light to everyone.
The light shines in the darkness,
and the darkness can never extinguish it" (John 1:1-5).
Maybe one of the greatest things that questioning God can do is remind us of why we aren't the ones with all the answers.
I may feel like my life is lying in fragments at my feet, but I've never felt stronger and more sure of anything before. Don't get me wrong, I have no idea what will happen next or what I'm going to do, but I have no doubt that God, the Creator, the Breath-giver is all over this. I've never found myself in a situation where all the possible paths I could take were so closed, where options were shut down with such finality. I could choose to be angry and wallow in disappointment and despair. But, instead, I choose to believe that just like Abraham and Joseph, God is leading me to something greater, to a land full of blessing and promise. I am a daughter of Abraham after-all, and I am still breathing. I look forward to being able to look back on my struggles with elation, to being able to pin-point the hand of God at every turn, and to claiming my growing pains as a birth to a greater and strong faith.
So for now, I choose to praise God like Paul and Silas because I know that what Satan means for evil in my life, God means for good.
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