Growing Pains

This week has been a giant trial. I would've loved to have blogged over the past seven days, but events did not allow me the opportunity.


On Tuesday, I learned that the Government has revoked my loan for school, leaving me with no choice but to drop out of school and start working minimum wage jobs full-time so that I can pay rent and make loan payments. It's way more complicated than it sounds and extremely disappointing. My future has becoming even murkier than it was before. The most frustrating thing about this situation is that my life was just beginning to feel like it was coming together. I was psyched to be blessed with a good church family, good health, successful grades in my A&P II and Physics classes...in fact, it seemed like I was well on my way to pursuing a career in exercise science. And then, just when I began to relax, my feet were pulled out from under me. In some ways I feel like my world has fallen to pieces all around me.

Is this an act of God?

Probably. Sometimes the things God allows for our greater good just simply suck.

The Bible tells the story of Job, a man of great integrity who was well-loved and greatly blessed by God. In fact, God was so proud of Job that He even bragged about Job's faithfulness when Satan stopped in to pick on God (Job 1:8). Satan dared God to challenge Job's faith by taking away his blessings. Satan was pretty confident that Job's faith wouldn't survive the loss of wealth, family, and health. God has no need of conditional faith and is not afraid of human weakness, so He gave Satan permission to test Job's character (Job 1:12).

Job's reaction to the loss of his wealth and children is somewhat shocking, but it also shows the depth of his faith-walk. In the midst of his grief, Job shaved his head and knelt down to worship God, saying:

“I came naked from my mother’s womb,
and I will be naked when I leave.
The Lord gave me what I had,
and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!” (Job 1:21 NLT).

In his heart wrenching sorrow, Job praises God! He worships! He doesn't even blame God. He simply acknowledges that God is great, as if to make the point that when it really comes down to it, that's all that matters.

As calamity is piled upon calamity, Job's spirit becomes heavier. Finally he is brought to the point where his illness has him sitting in the town dump scraping the puss from boils. He is deserted by his wife, and his friends accuse him of sinning against God. In fact, Job's friends feel that his continual insistence of innocence is just denial of some awful crime against God. Finally, Job breaks down and questions God, he even challenges God's justice and begs God to prove to his friends that he is not lying.

God's response to Job never ceases to leave me with goosebumps:

"Then the Lord answered Job from the whirlwind:
“Who is this that questions my wisdom
with such ignorant words?
Brace yourself like a man,
because I have some questions for you,
and you must answer them.
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?" (Job 38:1-4 NLT).

The power and mind-blowing enormity and beauty of the questions that followed left Job speechless. Job responded to God's greatness with humility:

“I know that you can do anything,
and no one can stop you.
You asked, ‘Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?’
It is I—and I was talking about things I knew nothing about,
things far too wonderful for me.
You said, ‘Listen and I will speak!
I have some questions for you,
and you must answer them.’
I had only heard about you before,
but now I have seen you with my own eyes.
I take back everything I said,
and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance” (Job 42:26 NLT).

In the end, God blesses Job with more children, wealth, and greater health than he had before his great trial. And God won the bet with Satan--Job's faith and loyalty were remarkable.

Job is hardly the only character in the Bible who lost everything in a faith walk. Look at Abraham? He lost his hometown, left behind his extended family, friends, culture, family inheritance, and did the insane--he followed the voice of God into the unknown. But he was rewarded with miracles and a nation that is blessed because of the faith he clung to.

And then there is Joseph, Abraham's great-grandson. A child born into wealth and favor. He was despised by his brothers who were jealous of his father's love. His own brothers threw him in a pit and then sold him into slavery. Joseph wound up in Egypt working for a high-ranking government official, Potipher. Joseph proved himself reliable and efficient as a servant and received Potipher's utmost trust and respect. But just when Joseph's life seemed to settle into a good place, he is framed by Potipher's wife for rape. Joseph is thrown into prison. But Joseph even managed to prosper in jail, and he also wound up becoming a trusted and efficient caretaker of the prison. While there, Joseph thought he might have found his way out when he correctly interpreted a dream for the Pharaoh's cup bearer. But the cup bearer forgot his promise to plead Joseph's case to the Pharaoh until two years later when the Pharoah had a dream of his own.

Joseph could have done many things. He could have despaired, turned his back on God, thrown aside his moral character, sought vengeance, or become hard-hearted. Instead, Joseph kept his faith and God rewarded him by making him the second man in charge of all of Egypt--he had the Pharaoh's unwavering trust and loyalty.

As a result, Joseph managed to save Egypt from starvation during a seven-year famine, and God even reunited him with his family when they came to Egypt for grain for their starving families in Canaan.

When Joseph looked back on the series of calamities that he endured, he could see his trials through the results of his blessings and he said this to his brothers: "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today" (Genesis 50:20 ESV).

Sometimes in this imperfect world, God's plans require a time of pain, a time where faith is tested, and character is refined. This is the reason we respect the people the Bible tells us about--we identify with their struggles, but we are also encouraged by their determination to cling to God even when they didn't understand.

As I ponder the lives of the faithful, I go back to God's response to Job and find myself feeling small--not in a condemning or belittling way, but in a sense of awe of the kind of God who sees the whole picture and knows why struggles are necessary.

“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?" (Job 38:1-4 NLT).

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters. Then God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light (Genesis 1:1-3)"

"In the beginning the Word already existed.
The Word was with God,
and the Word was God.
He existed in the beginning with God.
God created everything through him,
and nothing was created except through him.
The Word gave life to everything that was created,
and his life brought light to everyone.
The light shines in the darkness,
and the darkness can never extinguish it" (John 1:1-5).

Maybe one of the greatest things that questioning God can do is remind us of why we aren't the ones with all the answers.

I may feel like my life is lying in fragments at my feet, but I've never felt stronger and more sure of anything before. Don't get me wrong, I have no idea what will happen next or what I'm going to do, but I have no doubt that God, the Creator, the Breath-giver is all over this. I've never found myself in a situation where all the possible paths I could take were so closed, where options were shut down with such finality. I could choose to be angry and wallow in disappointment and despair. But, instead, I choose to believe that just like Abraham and Joseph, God is leading me to something greater, to a land full of blessing and promise. I am a daughter of Abraham after-all, and I am still breathing. I look forward to being able to look back on my struggles with elation, to being able to pin-point the hand of God at every turn, and to claiming my growing pains as a birth to a greater and strong faith.

So for now, I choose to praise God like Paul and Silas because I know that what Satan means for evil in my life, God means for good.