Stillness

If you've been reading my blog, then you've probably figured out by now that I am constantly processing and pondering things in my head and heart. Having an active mind isn't necessarily a bad thing; in many ways, my analytical skills have been some of my best assets. However, there are times when the activity in my mind is overwhelming, especially if I'm dwelling on things that promote anxiety.

I have a strong tendency to worry--I'd like to think that maybe it's an inherited family trait, but I'm aware that it it's more likely evidence of my wavering faith. My worries are evidence of my weaknesses, the cracks in my spiritual character, and that I am very much a picture of grace--a work in progress.

God does not want us to be discouraged, in fact He desires to empower us. In a letter to his spiritual son, Timothy, Paul reminds him that "God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline" (2 Timothy 1:7 NLT).

I've spent a lot of time over the past few weeks faced with some hurdles that require some difficult decision-making. There was a time when such difficulties would have worn my spirit down, and I would've been most likely to despond. But I've learned a lot this year about how God comes through. When I didn't have food, God fed me, when I didn't have clothing, God clothed me, when I needed emotional support, God sent friends my way, when I needed to develop self-confidence, God provided ways to help me grow, when I needed money, God provided it...honestly, I can attest to God's providence in a way that I never could before. It's a life lesson that I hope I never forget.

But the greatest thing that has been making itself known to me lately is the concept of stillness. I can remember being faced with the concept of stillness in my early teens and being incredibly frustrated because I could not wrap my mind around it. What did it mean to be still? How in the world did being still help my mind to calm down? If anything, being still allowed all the various thoughts in my head to start clambering for attention--a process that could be more unsettling than the stress of keeping busy. Because I could not understand how to be still, I ignored the concept. But God is gracious, and recently He decided to penetrate through my thick skull and awaken in me some comprehension of stillness.

One evening, a few weeks ago, as I was desperately struggling not to let my fears and worries about my future overwhelm me, I was surprised to recognize God gently speaking to me. He said, "You've heard this before, but let me remind you again. All you need to do is be still and know that I am God". Something about that moment cleared my oppressed mind like the wind blows storm clouds away.

Many people in the Bible struggled with stillness. King David's mind was a constant, bi-polar torrent of thoughts and feelings. It is no wonder that God's words to David, "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps 46:10 NLT) appear in one of his songs. David struggled with stillness, and maybe that's why he wrote so often. Maybe that was one way he got his fears and worries out of his system.

Like David, Elijah, the prophet, was no stranger to fear, worry, and doubt. 1 Kings 18 tells the story of how Elijah held a contest on top of Mount Carmel between himself and the priests of Baal to see who served the true God. Elijah was confident in the contest, he even mocked the priests of Baal, and in the grand finale, his prayer to God resulted in a miraculous fire from heaven that burnt up a soaking wet offering. This sign from God humiliated the priests of Baal, who were all slaughtered by Elijah. But after such a grand victory, 1 Kings 19 finds Elijah fleeing the country in fear because of the evil Queen Jezebel who demands his life for humiliating her and killing her priests. What irony! After seeing God validate his prayers and work wonders on Mount Carmel, why in the world would an angry Queen's threat cause such fear?

By this time, Elijah was no longer thinking rationally. His fear kept him running until he reached the wilderness where he collapsed beneath a tree and begged God to let him die. Seriously, what happened to the man who defied Baal and his followers? What happened to the man who's prayer was blessed by a visible and miraculous response from God? And after running so long, what possessed Elijah to just want to give up and die? But that's how fear works isn't it? Fear preys on our sanity and amplifies our humanity.

God is ever patient, and He looked at Elijah and decided to tend to his physical needs first. He sent an Angel to wake Elijah and feed him. Then, once Elijah had some nourishment in him, God compelled him to journey to Mount Sinai, the place where God had spent much time growing Moses' faith.

When Elijah reached Sinai, he found a cave and promptly fell asleep. But God woke him up saying "What are you doing here, Elijah?" (1 Kings 19:13 NLT). Elijah must've realized by this point that his fear of Jezebel was a bit over the top, because when he attempts to appeal to God's pity, he says that the people of Israel are hunting him down to kill him. And since he's the last surviving prophet of God, he has run to preserve himself as a zealous fighter for the faith.

God must've been somewhat amused by Elijah's pitiful attempt to make his flight seem valid. Jezebel was hardly a whole nation, and not too long before, Elijah had just brought the people of Israel back to the realization that God was still alive and wanted to be a part of their lives--if anything, those people were eager to reconnect with a personal God. Killing Elijah probably wasn't even on their agenda. Not only that, but Elijah was hardly exhibiting the qualities of a zealous faith warrior by hiding hundreds of miles away, in a cave, on a mountain. God decided to give Elijah a bit of a wake up call. He commanded Elijah to step outside of the cave and stand in His presence. Then God assuaged Elijah's senses with the force of his power.

"And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak" (1 Kings 19:11-12 NLT).

Just like God had to remind Job of his greatness and power, God reminded Elijah who was in control of the elements and how simple it was for God to shake things up--such power made Jezebel miniscule! But this was not how God wanted Elijah to relate to His power. This was not the way that God wanted Elijah to trust Him. It was in the whisper, the gentle stillness, that God wanted Elijah to rest. God wanted Elijah to simply pause and calmly reflect on the wonders of God's infinite greatness. And when Elijah recognized the whisper, he worshiped God in humility.

It was no mistake that God brought Elijah to the very place where He called Moses to free the Israelites from bondage in Egypt (Exodus 3:1). Mount Sinai is where God turned a stuttering shepherd into a leader. Mount Sinai is also where God gave Moses the Ten Commandments--the guidelines for true happiness. God wrote His greatest hopes for those He loved on stone and placed those stone tablets in Moses hands. Those guidelines were a gift that Moses was privileged to share with a nation that was destined for greatness.

But God had to prepare Moses for such an important role. When God first called Moses out of the wilderness, Moses balked because of his fear too. Moses had run away from Egypt after accidentally killing a man. He was so afraid that he wound up hundreds of miles away in the wilderness of Midian where he was adopted into a tribe of tent dwellers. Moses meekly reinvented himself in Midian. He went from being a great prince to a simple shepherd. He married, had sons, and settled comfortably into a steady routine. But then God spoke.

The story of the burning bush has always intrigued me. I have often wished to have a burning bush experience. How incredible would it be to stand in God's presence as He unfolds His profound plans for your future and then not only comforts you with His love, but shows you, first-hand, how to perform His miracles? It was a defining moment for Moses, an experience he could not return from. It compelled him to move forward into his new destiny.

Yet, Moses destiny was fraught with his own doubts and worries. In the presence of God, de-sandaled, and with his face covered, Moses wrestled with God's words:

"“I have certainly seen the oppression of my people in Egypt. I have heard their cries of distress because of their harsh slave drivers. Yes, I am aware of their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the power of the Egyptians and lead them out of Egypt into their own fertile and spacious land . . . Now go, for I am sending you to Pharaoh. You must lead my people Israel out of Egypt.” But Moses protested to God, “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” God answered, “I will be with you. And this is your sign that I am the one who has sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God at this very mountain.” (Exodus 3:7-12 NLT).

The film, The Prince of Egypt, portrays a powerful interpretation of the burning bush event. The scene where God speaks to Moses never ceases to move me. In their take on Moses' calling, the writers of the script echo the words that God spoke to Job and Joshua when He called them to their destinies. While those words of comfort and the reminders of God's power are soothing, the thing in that scene that always jumps out and grabs me is Moses's humanity--his fears and protests--because they are the same as my own.



Like Elijah and Moses, I tend to let my fears overwhelm me, to see how small I am compared to a problem, and forget about the greatness and majesty of God. I forget to be still and to just let myself marvel at the immensity, the unfettered creativity, the phenomenal beauty, the incomprehensible mystery, and incomparable love of God. It is those times, when like Job, I waver, doubt, and question, God's reminder to Job of who is in control never ceases to awe me:

"And have you ever ordered Morning, 'Get up!' told Dawn, 'Get to work!'. . ."Have you ever gotten to the true bottom of things explored the labyrinthine caves of deep ocean?. . .Do you know where Light comes from and where Darkness lives so you can take them by the hand and lead them home when they get lost?. . .Have you ever traveled to where snow is made, seen the vault where hail is stockpiled, The arsenals of hail and snow that I keep in readiness for times of trouble and battle and war? Can you find your way to where lightning is launched, or to the place from which the wind blows? Who do you suppose carves canyons for the downpours of rain, and charts the route of thunderstorms that bring water to unvisited fields, deserts no one ever lays eyes on, drenching the useless wastelands so they're carpeted with wildflowers and grass? And who do you think is the father of rain and dew, the mother of ice and frost? You don't for a minute imagine these marvels of weather just happen, do you?" (Job 38:12,16,19,22-30 The Message).

I don't need to experience an earthquake, forceful wind, or burning bush to stop and be still, to simply dwell on the wonders of God and to let all my worries, doubts, and fears just simply fall to the side and fade away...

I do need to make more time to be still and let myself become aware that He is God. I need to make it a point to rest in that comfort more often.

Being still doesn't have to be a forced effort to not think about what bothers you. Often, trying not to think about something causes you to obsess about it, and that just intensifies your struggle. However, there is a beautiful stillness in just letting your mind think about the wonders of the universe and how God is the initiator and sustainer of them all. And somehow, in that stillness you just might feel your mind and heart brush against God's.